Today, Rich and I are celebrating our 36th wedding anniversary.
I keep thinking if only we knew then what we know now.
Yet, as I think back, I did know more than I thought that day I walked down the aisle and became a Mrs.
I knew that Rich would somehow keep me safe.
Like the Eagle Scout he was, I knew he was genuine, honest, and trustworthy.
I wasn’t sure what it was then, but I felt more “me” when I was with Rich.
Having spent so many years pretending to be someone I thought others wanted me to be, somehow, with Rich, I knew I could just be me -- without pretense. Being with him felt like being wrapped in a fuzzy blanket during a nippy cold night. I somehow knew our marriage – our relationship – would offer me a safe place to become who I am today. I somehow knew he would be right alongside me as for the stormy ride to come, even though I had no idea what that would be like (and I bet if you asked him, he’d say he had no clue either!)
I’m unsure how I knew these things – but I felt something. I felt secure that our marriage would be the partnership it has become.
People are like icebergs. We are just what we allow others to see. The parts of us above the surface are the personas we show the world – the part of ourselves we can readily accept and even celebrate. This isn’t a bad thing. We must be careful who we share our deepest desires and dreams. Who we let see the broken bits.
Those shiny bits and not-so-shiny bits make up who we are. Life is about exploring and mining those bits deep beneath the surface. Some partners are not explorers. Those marriages can exist for years, only showing and interacting with the tippy tops of ourselves.
I often recall seeing older couples (and yes, Rich and I are now nearing those ages) dining together with little to no conversation. I imagine these two people as those icebergs. Yes, each is stunning in that deep blue ocean, yet they bob and float around aimlessly – content with knowing and showing a sliver of their human potential.
Who am I to say that isn’t happiness?
Then, some of us choose to explore icebergs.
We are partners who commit to be on this journey to the deep together. We take turns leading the way and following -- at the ready to offer each other whatever is needed to move forward on the path. We can make space for not just what is – but for the unknown – for what may be discovered.
When it’s scary, we can be there for each other. It’s like knowing someone is there with you in the deep darkness – when it is so dark you can’t see two inches in front of yourself – yet you know you are not alone.
That is what I know now. I know that Rich and I are explorers. We’ve fallen down a few fissures in the ice and climbed some fantastic summits.
I also know our journey isn’t done yet.
Here’s to 38+ years of being together. And here’s to whatever is to come!
Happy Anniversary! You've written a lovely sentiment to your partnership.
Love this, Laurie. Happy anniversary!