After six years of writing stories and working with various experts, including editors, graphic designers, coaches, fellow writers in many writing groups, beta readers, and, of course, my faithful blog readers, I have finally hit the publish button for my book on Amazon.
How do I feel?
I feel so many things...
When I pushed that “publish now” button on my brightly lit computer screen – the same one where I painstakingly wrote, edited, and polished the stories in the book – I felt excited, exhausted, and exposed.
What surprises me is how I am feeling now. While my husband, family and close friends are ready to pop the cork on the bubbly and help me shout out to the world my book is published, I’m not there — yet. Oddly, I don’t feel ready to celebrate. I keep thinking —What? Not ready to celebrate? Are you kidding? I’ve been working toward this for so long! What is wrong with me?
I know I must sit where I am now and trust myself to take this pause and feel whatever I am feeling.
Right now, I feel fearful and slightly frantic. (It’s so much more intense than that half hour before a party you are throwing—you know, the one you’ve prepared weeks for, and in those last few moments, worry if anyone will show up! ) Whatever sailor that coined the phrase “calm before the storm” has no idea what it really feels like. I feel stormy with no calm in sight!
When I started writing stories as a student in a small memoir writing class in Rochester, New York, almost a decade ago, I never imagined I could or would write a book. I simply sought a bit of time for myself. I wanted to see if I was a ‘real’ writer. I was a PR and marketing consultant to tech start-ups and Fortune 500 companies. I wanted to know if I could write something other than the strategic marketing plans and business by-liners I ghostwrote for C-suite executives. I wanted to see if I had something in me to write, and it was in that first memoir class that I started to explore and share what it was like to grow up in a junkyard.
Writing helped me recall and recover parts of my past I had buried for most of my life.
As I found my voice, I struggled to listen to it and eventually believe what it told me. To feel into my truth, I found it helpful—and a bit risky—to write in the first person as if I was experiencing what was happening at that very moment. Many of the stories in this book are written this way as I invite you, my readers, into my world. I want you to be there with me.
Yes, revisiting horrible and damaging parts of my life was more than a challenge. Yet, part of my purpose was to let others in just enough so they could see the value in taking this reflective view of my past. I want to inspire others to do what I have done. Look back at the parts of your life that were challenging and maybe even tricky because, alongside those memories, if you dig deep enough, you will unearth many forgotten joys and gifts that you may have buried alongside them.
I don’t believe there is a more vulnerable thing to do than write (and publish) a memoir. It was/is risky, and hitting that publish button last week took guts. I think I felt a bit nauseous after I realized it was done. It took almost six years to pull this book together because it was hard to sort out fact from fiction and craft a story that felt emotionally true to me and readable.
As I explain in the forward and afterward, my memoir is a collection of complete stories that jump in time—often as my memories skip and jump. I wanted my reader to experience what that was like for me to recall my past. Thus my stories appear in no chronological order. I present them in thematic sections.
Writing about things that are vulnerable, fuzzy, and unclear was painful. I was lucky that during the pandemic, I discovered an online writing community where I met other writers who were just as vulnerable. This created a safe place for me to write and share. The online platform was the perfect place for me not to seek permission but to simply write. Drip by drip....word by word ... my story came together, and I gained strength as a writer and storyteller. Through generous feedback, I explored my story and fine-tuned early drafts into what is now my first published book!
I'm very fortunate to have had so many friends, writing experts, other writers, therapists, neighbors, and family members support me. I could not have done this without so many of you!
As I reflect on the support I’ve had (and have), I am once again stretching myself to cross another line — this time to celebrate what I have done.
So —— without further ado – I’m happy to announce that my memoir, Diamonds in the Dirt Stories From A Junkyard Girl, is NOW available in paperback and as an e-book on Amazon. Here are the links to various marketplaces:
I am also inviting you to join me online on April 16 at 7 p.m. EST to help me (hopefully) move past the fear and anxiety I still feel as I write this and into a more celebratory place. Click here to register for the event.
I hope that in the coming months, I can fully embrace this accomplishment, begin to offer book talks, readings, and signings, and step more fully into being not just a writer but an author. Yes, yet another threshold to cross and embrace in this life of mine. And to do this, I am looking for your help.
It took a village to get me this far, and I know I don’t need to go it alone at this junction either.
I am looking for others to join my “circle of ambassadors” who can help me promote my book and support me as I enter this phase of my writing life. If you have any ideas for contests to enter, podcasts, book clubs where I can offer to do reading, or writing groups where I can support others on this journey, please contact me on my author page (www.laurieriedman.com). I welcome your ideas and connections. Heck, I’m happy to chat about what you are up to with your writing, too.
This fall, I plan to record the audiobook with my brother, who, luckily for me, is a sound engineer in Nashville. I’m sure that will be yet another healing opportunity as I read and record my stories — with my brother as my witness — so you can listen to them in my own voice.
Until then, I’m happy to take a moment to pause and let all the feelings fill me. Thank you for being here with me. Hope to see you online April 16th!
Congratulations Laurie! This is beyond exciting. You. Did. It. Yea!!
Thrilled for you, Laurie. Beautiful post. I ordered the book and am celebrating with you. Congratulations!!!!!