The Path That Matters

Finding our way along the path of love

The Path That Matters

There is a path

follow
my own footsteps
One
at
a 
time.

Along the path
to....love
to....you

start
standing 
still

go 
Within

Meet self
with open arms

The path to love 
to ...you
is within

Open your heart
to loving self
Say "I love you"
And mean it.

It is then
you are ...
on the path
to Love

Not just toward ourselves
but to others.
                       L. Riedman Jan 2026

I love you.

Those three words are lovely to hear, but when you hear them, do you believe them?

I don’t mean that you think someone is lying and doesn’t love you (if that is what you think of when you hear those words said to you ... then you know where you “work” lies – (Hint: Trust).

What I am talking about today is that for me, it has been difficult to believe that I am lovable. For years, I didn’t feel I was worthy of that love. Somehow, I thought I didn’t deserve it.

Hmmmmm. Now this is a topic we can sink our teeth into isn’t it?

What do you think of when you hear someone say these words to you?

I love you.

Our culture uses these words too freely. How often do you hear it as a casual ending of a conversation .. I love ya ... you hear from the other side of the line, or maybe you say it yourself to others. Do we really mean it in that moment? Images of what we think “love” looks like are played out to images of people running carefree hand-in-hand along a sandy beach with soothing soundtracks in advertisements for everything – from food and miracle drugs to vacations, beauty products, and much more.

Perhaps the ideal of love sells, but the real question is ...

What does it mean to love another?

It’s is quite a commitment. I believe that to love another, we have to love ourselves. I’ve said this in previous posts I know, but it is worth revisiting.

We have to accept who we are – all of it – to love ourselves and consequently, to love another is to accept ALL of who they are – the good, bad, and the in-between.

I’m lucky, as my husband, Rich, is always telling me how much he loves me. It’s a wonderful reminder when he does his because often that automatic reaction comes up: ‘Oh, I don’t deserve it.’ or ‘ I’m not so lovable.’ Or sometimes I think he is downright crazy!

It’s not crazy.

When this happens, I pause, take a breath or two, and really see that he means it. While I’m breathing, I risk looking in his eyes, and I see that love there. I see that, yes, he does love me. He loves ALL of me – the complete package. If he can do that, then so can I. The eyes (and heart) can’t lie.

It takes practice to then allow the love I see he has for me - to allow myself to truly feel it.

Yung Pueblo, author of How To Love Better wrote: “ Loving another person is greatly shaped by how strong your self-love is. The ways you accept yourself, such as talking to yourself gently in your mind, not forcing yourself to be perfect, and all the other ways you activate your self-love, will end up framing the shape of your relationship.”

I agree. The path to love is opening our hearts. We can start by practicing self-love. Having a sweet, compassionate, gentle kindness toward ourselves. When was the last time the voice inside your head was loving toward you – encouraging you – soothing you when you made a mistake or felt shame? Most likely, you are more familiar with that critical voice that points out where you aren’t good enough. Work to silence that voice as much as you can. That voice is not speaking the truth.

Silence that harsh voice and make space for the one who loves you. She/he is inside. You just have to make space for them to come forward. And once that voice comes forward, do the work you need to do to listen and believe it. Here is a practice that might help:

Mindful Moment: Wherever you are, take a moment to pause. Yes, right now. Place a hand on your heart. Take one breath - acknowledging your “critical voice” and let it out. Release it. Then, take one breath in for the “loving voice” and let it arrive. Let it warm you. Just for this moment, believe you are enough or breathe in one loving statement about yourself that you want to be true. (News flash - it is true!) Try this for 30 seconds or a few breaths.

Ok, didn’t that feel good?

Loving is the place where acceptance begins, my friends. Embrace yourself with that loving care that is deep inside you. Wrap your arms around yourself. Breathe deeply and ground yourself in this feeling.

Having compassion for yourself helps you become gentler to yourself and others. Compassion helps us let go of high expectations (for ourselves and others – especially our partners) and allow humility to grow. Humility allows us to see beyond the confines of our own perspectives so we can fully relate to what we (or others) are going through without judgment.

Compassion (for self or others) is a letting-go practice – letting go of what you think is / should be happening and allowing ourselves to step into others’ shoes so we can better understand things from a different viewpoint. Empathy and compassion go hand in hand.

It helps me practice self-compassion to imagine what a good friend or someone who loves me might say – in those tense moments when I need a bit of compassion. This helps us see things from another viewpoint.

Shauna Shapiro has some great practices in her book Good Morning, I Love You. If you find it hard to say “I love you” to the person you see in the mirror, find a photo of yourself as a child. I have a Kindergarten photo of my five-year-old that lets me see her innocence and feel compassion for her. Looking into her eyes in the photo, I remember that little Laurie still lives inside, listening to every word I say. It helps me be kinder to myself knowing this. You may want to try this as well.

Little Laurie / Kindergarten

When I look at Little Laurie in my picture, I can’t help but love her : ) Try this, I bet you will find you have more self-compassion after doing this a few times!

(Note: When I do couples coaching, I often ask couples to find a photo of themselves at a child and to picture your partner as that innocent child. This helps us have compassion for our partner especially in times when our needs are clashing or when we are in conflict.)

One thing to be aware of when practicing compassion — be careful not to confuse compassion with people pleasing, which involves ignoring the behavior of others who may not be kind or loving. You still need to be aware of boundaries, and I find that the more I practice self-compassion, the easier it becomes to recognize when those boundaries are crossed.

When we truly value ourselves, a boundary isn’t a wall meant to keep people out; it’s more like a gate that protects us while opening to let others in. (that is worth reading twice!)

When we feel safe enough we can do this. It becomes easier to do this when I accept myself. When I see the real me—flaws and all—and can more easily accept the “whole package,” in others. This awareness helps me notice when others aren’t kind and accepting. That way, I can set clear boundaries and, if appropriate, allow them in when I feel safe. I can also see their flaws and give them more grace when they are being hard on themselves and maybe me. I can understand where they are coming from and give them a bit of space that I otherwise may have difficulty doing.

Another fundamental practice that goes along with this is practicing listening. Listening is compassion in action. When have you truly listened to your partner or a loved one without any distraction? I mean, truly listened? When have you truly listened to yourself? These are skills worth working toward, because they are key to loving is to give one another attention.

Seeing and hearing one another is another step along the path to love.

How might your life - or your relationships be different if you were able to be more compassionate, accepting and loving?

When I look at the world today – and the many couples I work with in my bu coaching practice and in our couples’ retreats – I see that we need to walk along our path to love by seeing each of us as the flawed wounded children we may be - but also listening to what we each need, and doing our best to support each other in the moment. If we can do this, we will creating space for love, compassion, and acceptance to grow.

Our relationships can become safe containers for each of us to heal what needs to be healed within us and to step into the truly amazing beings we are. Our relationships (with ourselves and others) are what guide us along the path of love.

So, the song may be right....

What the world needs now, is love, sweet love.

be open

be curious

be loving .....

Readers, when was the last time you looked at yourself with the same eyes a loved one uses to look at you? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.